Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
