'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
