I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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