Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
