Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
