Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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