I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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