I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
