i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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