I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
