Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
