as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
This is my gift to your gina
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
