How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
