So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
