it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
