Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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