your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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