I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
