you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
