since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize