I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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