I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
