dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
