you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
