4 words: hood of his car
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
