I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
4 words: hood of his car
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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