I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
