Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
