Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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