he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
