I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
