sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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