An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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