Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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