Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The air was thick with penises
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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