is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
