i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
