I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
