YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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