My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
