woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
