What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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