How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
