Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
