Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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