I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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