I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
