Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
