$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I had to cum in my sink.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
