I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
