i always forget guys have bellybuttons
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
