I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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