dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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