did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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