It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
