This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize