Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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