Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A+ Viking dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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