I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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