3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
