can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
