Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize