Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
