She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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