he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
