We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
